As we strive to be the upgraded versions of ourselves, is the pain we experience left on the previous software?
It is said that pain is the carpenter for beautiful and meaningful art. But as we move forward in life and shed the skins of trapped mentalities does that distance cause us to forget what it feels like to have been where we’ve been?
I’ve been contemplating this as I’ve been stuck on a piece of writing that I started. The times in my life when the most powerful pieces came out have been during my adolescence and shortly after an extremely toxic and volatile break-up. These were the times when I had so much rage, anger, confusion, and hurt within my soul and writing seemed to be the only healthy outlet. And as the words formed, there laid a beautiful thing.
Only, as we move on in life to better things and gain a higher understanding of our most inner selves, what keeps us able to relate still to those things of the past? We know that no one in their right mind wants to harbor that pain or trauma, but how do we tap back into emotions we felt at the time in order to help someone else? I pose these questions because being relatable is important regardless of if you’re an artist, motivational speaker, teacher, parent, or friend. No one wants to hear from someone who hasn’t gone through it.
Often times I feel that once we get out of the woods we tend to (naturally) want to leave it all behind us. Never look back. And while I’d never be the one to say dwell on what “was” I will say in some instances, I do feel a glance back is necessary. It’s also a way to monitor progress.
When I was a makeup artist and was contemplating running a salon of my own, the best advice I got from those I’d spoken with, was: work in one for at least year first. I hated that advice because I simply wanted to skip that step (since I hated cutting hair), but it was actually solid advice. In order to understand the mentality and needs of my potential employees and clientele I had to be on the floor WITH them first. The same goes into speaking and relating to others. Without having prior experience in something, why should anyone listen?
Which brings me back to my original question, do we tend to forget what it feels like once we’re out of the fire? Empathy is a necessary resource on this planet. It’s one of the pure forms of concentrated kindness. It allows us to not just feel bad, sorry, or sad for someone else but to know exactly what someone else is going through. And while it’s ineffective to tell people what to do, just because you did it that way, it does allow us to extend ourselves outward to another soul and touch them; to unite. We do this through art, words, physical touch, presence, etc.
Without being relatable we have no marketable product within ourselves. Without having the ability to show empathy it’s so much more difficult to truly connect in that unspoken bond. There is no healing keeping things to yourself (whether you are the one trying to heal or you are opening up to help heal someone else). So on your way to a better YOU…make sure that you’re still reachable. Ensure that you still dedicate time for friends and family who have supported you. Don’t just glance at your carefully stitched scar tissue and toss someone else a bandage.
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