As soon as she saw him walk away with another woman, her insides began to ignite. She wasn't supposed to be here, yet here she was. Madder than ever and disappointed in herself for not knowing her own boundaries, she stood frozen.
She had no right to be upset, she'd parted ways with him months ago. She knew she was the one who let him go, yet something about seeing him again, here, and with this other woman made her furious. She couldn't look away from her ex, she could only watch and fume.
It was at that moment that Evan returned to her, startling her from her statuesque stance. Evan was the unexpected. She wasn't sure how she'd gotten roped into arriving with him. He would never be her ex, this she knew. Part of him intrigued her but mostly, it was that she knew he was safe. He had healthy boundaries and she knew he wouldn't push her. Yet there was enough of a bad boy edge about him that she assumed casually hanging with him wouldn't even register on his radar let alone hurt his heart.
It seemed like he was the only present circumstance that allowed her to feel shielded. So she continued recklessly showing up, using up all of his smile and wasting away all of his laugh. He was her bandage, barely holding together a wound that required much more than this. But since she refused to seek out what she truly needed to heal, the only way she could dull the pain was with him. She knew that he would never fill her void. But she hoped to disappear into his kiss. And so, she dragged him into her hurt, and siphoned his energy until he was broken and she was numb.
But by this time, she couldn't even feel bad about it. She was in too deep of feeling absolutely nothing. She'd gotten use to holding bloody rags over a gaping wound and thinking nothing of it. Again, Evan was the unexpected. He showed up and covered her with his intentions and with heart. She wanted edge and darkness, something to cloak her own issues, but Evan was light. So she settled for this because at the end of the day, it was still a distraction. She found a human being, a man, who actually cared - only now the tables had shifted. She no longer had it in her to do the same. She had dug a void for Evan as deep as her own and sucked him down under.
And when she finally left, he was broken and she, was still numb.
Comentários