The state of her heart had sabotaged her ability to think straight. Naturally, if you were to ask her, she would tell you her intellectual path was clear, it made sense. Only, she’d lost the ability to see around corners. Her picture of the future was riddled with stippling and cross-hatching and she was trying to make a new formation with of all the lines. Where there was once certainty and purpose, now lay confusion and questions. She’d once read a quote by Victor Frankl saying, “When we treat man as he is, we make him worse than he is; when we treat him as if he already were what he potentially could be, we make him what he should be.” This resonated with her beyond even her own understanding. Wasn’t that what she’d been doing this whole time? Hadn’t she taken the potential that she’d seen
within him and graciously given him the gift of foresight? What their life could be like, if he’d allow it. The unending depths of love that were reserved just for him, if he’d just tap into it. She’d gifted him the very things that any man could ask for at any given time, without actually having to ask. She’d breathed life and purpose back into him when she’d found him nearly depleted. She’d treated him with delicate care and eager desire and yet here she stood, finding herself now on empty and a multitude of steps backward. She’d already felt as though she were behind in this ‘game’ and all she’d ever wanted had been dangled in front of her on more than one occasion. Only to be savagely ripped from her sight with no explanation that made sense. Each time, her wounds only grew more desensitized. Their chemistry was like tiny fragments in a mosaic, each piece essential to the bigger picture. She didn’t have “bad judgment” because she’d wind up with toxic men. More so that the creative stories she’d write in her head would overpower her gut instincts. The toxicity levels no longer penetrated her because she could only see what was good. Could her ultimate understanding of his potential be the very thing that made their bond unlike any other, or was this just another passing of enchantment that needed time and distance? This was the largest puzzle of all. How was it that something so full of substance and depth, something so multi-faceted and good, could be so close to her heart, yet so far from her grasp.
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