I’m lying in my bed staring at the wall because it’s late and I should be sleeping.
I’m wondering why you don’t love me.
I’m thinking that even though I know that you really do love me (deep down inside),
That you could not love me to leave me the way you have.
I’m lying in my bed staring at the wall because if I don’t fixate on something
I will think of calling you, texting you, emailing you.
I’m wondering why I was not enough?
I’m thinking that although I surpassed all of the other females in your past,
Why that still was not enough for you?
How to sooth your never ending appetite. How to tame the wild within.
I’m lying in my bed staring at the wall because I’m becoming numb the longer I stare.
I’m thinking that I’ll just move on. But yet I fear the repercussions for doing so.
But what if you’ve moved on already? What if I’m the only one not “in” on your new life?
I’m trying to figure out if there is any strategy to fix this? Is there anything that is in my hands to control?
I’m lying in my bed staring at the wall because I’m beginning to feel that things are this way because we simply are not meant to be together.
I’m thinking that we got involved for a reason but we were never meant to stay together.
But somehow, somewhere my heart will not accept this thought. So therefore I keep on staring at the wall.
My mind paces great distances from one thought to the next. I could analyze what I think is going through your heard, but can never really know. Somehow, still it makes me feel more at ease to try and “figure” you out.
Knowing that I will never really know the truth. Because unfortunately some things in life just aren’t meant for us ever to know.
This thought saddens me and makes my heart sink to know that I will never really be able to know what the inner secrets of your heart are. To know that I will never really grasp what you were thinking when you left.
You rationalize that it was my initiation that caused this separation….yet we both know that If you really wanted, things could go back to what they were and more?
You don’t choose to invoke that option however. Therefore….
I’m staring at my wall because my mind will not rest.
I’m thinking of all the thoughts I possibly can to get to the bottom of what I think I can get to the bottom of. I’m thinking of all the reasons and rationalizations that can possibly come to mind to make myself feel better…..but nothing does.
Because the fact of the matter is, no matter what my mind comes up with…
It’s not what your mind has configured.
No matter what I say the reason is….
It means nothing to you…
For you,
Are gone.
I’m staring at my wall because I know you are gone.
And I’m thinking, that you are not coming back.
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