Her high dropped down to the floor, as she attempted to keep her face neutral. It was difficult for her to maintain. She used to have no issues lying and keeping a poker face, now when she tried her very best to disguise her most honest emotions, they poured through her like a Baccarat vase. It wasn’t even that she was attempting to lie in the moment, more so just conceal how she was feeling. Her eyes lowered as he proceeded to talk and she couldn’t help but drift in and out of what he was saying. Perhaps this was her issue, she thought. Maybe this is why they were having this talk in the first place, after all even in this most honest of moments, she couldn’t find it in her to listen to him. It was any wonder why he was upset. As she tuned back in, in time to hear him dismiss a lie that she’d caught him in, she promptly zoned back out. No, it wasn’t that… why should she continue to listen when he can’t even own up to his own wrong doings and everything that seemed to do for him, he viewed as wrong. It was in that moment that realized that they would never be on the same page, and it was that realization that she kissed goodbye the word try and vowed to never do it again.
As she dismissed the whole conversation they were having as pointless, her eyes began to un-focus from the moment and she began to drift backward to the earlier days, as most do when times get rough. She began to fade in reverse to visions of their first endeavors together. He seemed to have fallen head over heals for everything she was in the most honest of forms. She was unapologetic and breathtaking and it was only in her moving in with him where she had begun to feel stifled and suffocated. It was only then when she began to notice her feet bruised from walking on eggshells and her back aching from bending so far. It made her angry at the thought, frustrated with the confusion. It would seem that everything he disliked about her in this moment was everything that completely made her up, everything that drove her, everything that he originally fell in love with. Only now he was constantly rejecting it, pushing her away and as she’d turn her back then pulling her in toward him. She could no longer keep up. And he would say how moody she was, how hot and cold – only he couldn’t see how much he did the same…keeping her on the outside, never really letting her in, keeping little pieces of information from her – saying that he just didn’t think to tell her – while expecting her to be an open book. But it was in that moment that she kicked the stopper out and let the overhead door come slamming down, shutting the seal tighter than before she’d met him. It was in her yet again failed attempt to help him that the cold slap to her face finally gave her permission for everything that she’d been fighting so hard to keep open, to shut.
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